Sunday football

Lets talk football. I think its fitting on this 5th Sunday of the 2008 NFL season to talk about this topic. Now ladies, please understand that football is more than an All-American pastime. It is a religion to men. It is a stress reliever, a shoulder to lean on in rough times, the ying to mens tough and tedious work week also known in this scenario as yang. Just like women have soap operas, lifetime movies, bi-daily clothing sales, and Cosmopolitan magazine, guys have a few simple pleasures in life that are equally if not more important. Along with porn, fast cars, beer, and porn, men NEED football in their life. (Damn did I say porn twice) Anyway you get my point. Just imagine a world with Tina Turner with no Ike. Without all that pimp slapping, turmoil, and countless slices of cake rubbed in her face, she may have never wrote such timeless music. Just think if life with Sarah Palin was without ignorant, bonehead, Homer Simpson-like comments, then the republicans just might have a better chance of getting into office. (And we all know we don't need another 8 years of that shit...but that's another blog in itself) Men and football have come to have the same type of relationship. Like 50 cents said, "I love you like a fat kid loves cake" and that very well describes how men fell about their football.
Now that you ladies have a better understanding about the importance of football in a mans life, why on earth would you attempt to break that blissful marriage we have with football for that one day of the week? Far too many times on Sundays men are asked to part ways with our beloved football games to do other things like, the dishes, mow the lawn, go to the grocery store, cuddle, go to the mall, or my favorite "Talk to me. No really look at me, give me your undivided attention and lets talk". (Guys, we have all heard this one before...Lol) Why does it always seem like when its a tie ball game just before the kickoff to overtime your lady wants to sit down and talk about why you didn't believe her when she said there was peanut butter in the cabinet at home while out at the store last week when clearly there was? (Lol...thanks Dane Cook)
Look, I am an understanding person and know that women need and deserve plenty of love and affection but on Sundays between 12pm-8pm est, men should be given a get out of jail free card and exempt from any other activities that do not involve football. Just like men must be understanding during a females time of the month and know that sex is not allowed, women should know and be in agreement with us about the importance of our time in front of the tv watching football. Its only 1 day out of the week for a few months out of the year so either 1. Learn the game of football and watch it with us or 2. Set your clock every Sunday during the NFL season and know that your man will be in his own world because there is no compromise in this situation. So in conclusion, unless there is a terrorist attack on the white house, an alien invasion, the return of Jesus Christ himself, an act of congress, or God forbid the death of a loved one, at no time, and I repeat NO TIME, is a man required to step away from a Sunday afternoon football game other then the occasional bathroom run or trip to the refrigerator to re-up on beer and snacks. Can I get an AMEN!!! That's man law and I rest my case. (Slam the gavel) This court is adjourned.